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NEW!!! 11/25/07

Good Grief...
My Only Son!

In early February of 1995, I received a call from the sheriff's office in Wrangell, Alaska notifying me that my son Michael was reported missing in the Alaskan wilderness, and that they were sending out a search party to find him. He had been out practicing survival skills in the wilderness. I was deeply concerned and asked many to pray for his safety.

My son was a chip off the block, so to speak. I had loved to explore and had spent time in Alaska and thought about homesteading up there  - an aunt and uncle and grandfather did just that. As a boy Michael was always exploring, building tree houses, learned to shoot, hunt and fish, as we did plenty of camping, hiking, etc. He loved to be out hiking, swimming, canoeing, water skiing (and had made his own water skis), ice skating, downhill and cross-country skiing, and he loved flying when I would take him up in the college's Piper Cub in Big Sandy, Texas, where I worked.

[1977 - My only son Michael with homemade kite and trophy he won in kite flying contest.]

He was not so inclined when it came to school and church, but neither was I growing up. But he was never openly rebellious - he just had other priorities that were more important to him. He had acquired some health problems growing up  - chemical toxicity due to exposure to formaldehyde fumes from building materials in a new home we built in Big Sandy - which probably favored the outdoor lifestyle that he loved.

At my encouraging he tried some community college studies, but when an opportunity to take a survival training camp came along, Michael jumped at it. He made much of his own survival gear. After his mother died, he decided to head north to Alaska. He landed at Wrangell in the southern panhandle area to explore and practice his survival skills. Michael made friends and picked up various temporary jobs, including working on a fishing boat, which he said almost sank because most of the crew was drunk. He was faithful to write home and to others about his experiences. He applied for a job with the Forest Service and was planning to buy land and settle in the area.

Michael also began to spend more time studying his Bible and began to ask many questions in his letters. I began to think about taking a trip up to visit him the coming summer of "95," when I got the call from the Wrangell sheriff's office. A friend of Michael's, who took supplies and mail to him at a wilderness cabin every month or so, reported him missing on his trip out in February. The friend, a Forest Service employee, went to the cabin where they were to meet. He searched for him, but did not go out to Michael's survival camps. Some of Michael's letters gave accounts of close encounters with huge Alaskan brown bears that had raided one of his camps, so this was of no small concern.

Bad News

I was overwhelmed with emotion and grief, such as I had never felt before. I was fully expecting to hear good news, but I also knew the chances he was taking exploring and trying to survive on his own in the Alaskan wilderness in the winter.

He was my only son, almost 27 years old, just beginning to reach for his dreams and also seeking to understand God's Word. I was especially hopeful to be able to be a spiritual guide to him in his quest to know God.

Grief is an intense feeling of emotional distress, sorrow or mourning, and  suffering of the heart caused by loss or unfortunate mishap to something or someone you love. It is only natural to grieve for those you love and over such a loss, especially close family, children and friends you want to share the future with or share in the joys of their happiness and success.

So, what can be good about grief and sorrow?

There is a Godly sorrow and a sorrow of the world (2 Cor 7:10). There is also a Godly grief, which could be called "good grief" (the English word good comes from the Anglo-Saxon word God).  Good grief is an attribute of Godly love! Killers, or those whose conscience is seared (1 Tim 4:2), may feel selfish sorrow or grief for themselves, as Cain and Esau who had envy and jealousy (Gen 4:5-14; 1 John 3:12), but they do not feel grief or sorrow toward their victims and are unrepentant for their evil deeds (Heb 12:16-17). Godly sorrow produces repentance for salvation (2 Cor 7:10).

Trials often result in much grief. My mother died at 90 years of age. I grieved when she died, but not for long because she was tired, very forgetful, and ready to go. I grieved her loss, but had grieved more for her when she was alive, especially at times when she was suffering from various physical and emotional afflictions. When she died her suffering was over and I knew that I would see her again.  

My wife died about 2 months later of terminal cancer. I grieved with much anguish when she was suffering, feeling helpless to help her. When she died, I grieved for our children for their loss and my loss, but there was also relief that her suffering was over knowing she died having great faith and trust in God, for she believed in the hope of the resurrection made possible through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior (see "Hope of the Resurrection". I missed her greatly, and still do.

Good Grief

As I considered my love and concern and the grief I had for my son, my only son, I began to realize that we don't grieve for those we don't love, and the more we love someone, the more we grieve. True mature love ("agape") is a sincere deep outward concern and feelings for others (see "The Greatest Gift...LOVE". Grief, whether outward or inward (not all show their grief outwardly), therefore, could be considered a measure of that love.

I considered who has the greatest love, which, of course, is God. "For God is Love" (1 John 4:8,16)! Jesus Said,

"For God so LOVED the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).

Considering also, if we grieve for those we love, how much more does God grieve for us, whom He created to be His own children to share His love with (Heb 2:5-11; 1 John 3:1-3)? And how much more does God grieve when we go astray and when we suffer (Heb 2:9,14-15,17-18; 4:15)? The parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son reveal feelings God has toward us.

"I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.
"The Father said…(when His lost son returned repentant), 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf…and let us be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; and let us eat and be merry" (Lk 15:7,10,22-24).

If I was overwhelmed with grief for my only son, how much more did God the Father grieve when He had to allow His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and be crucified and die for our sins? God the Father has loved Jesus Christ, who became His Only begotten Son, for all eternity (Lk 1:30-35; 3:21-22; Eph 3:14-19; John 1:1,14; 3:16). As I began to consider how much greater God's love is than mine, I began to understand how much more He loves my mother, my wife, my son and daughters and all mankind, and me, than I ever could. The apostle John revealed that Jesus came to demonstrate God's love for us:

"In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be a propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10).

We love God only because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Some might ask why then doesn't God prevent us from choosing the way of sin and death? Why did God allow Adam and Eve and that generation before the flood to be tempted by Satan and to choose the way of evil and death (Gen 3:1-13; 6:5)?

The answer, of course, is that the only way God could create Godly character in His children was to give man the freedom of choice. But God was not negligent to teach man the laws of life and blessings, or to warn mankind of the consequences of sin and evil (Gen 2:16-17; Deut 5:31-33; 6:1-9; 7:7-15;8:1-20; 28:1-2,15; Eze 18:4). Character has to be tested and proven, therefore God allows men to be tested, even deceived and to chose, disobey and suffer the consequences of sin to prove for themselves that God's word and His laws are righteous, true and absolute (Gen 3:1-6; Deut 4:8; 30:1-20; Jer 17:10; Rom 7:10-12).

God is grieved when we choose the way of evil, suffering and death (Gen 6:5-6; Deut 30:15-20). But God will not take away our freedom to choose and suffer the consequences. However, God ("Elohim," the Almighty Ones - Gen 1:26-28), in great love for us, planned before the foundation of the world that Jesus Christ would come down and give His own life to redeem man from sin and death (1 Pet 1:18-20).

So how much does God love us? Jesus said,

"Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend" (John 15:13).

The apostle Paul wrote,

"Scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would dare to die.
"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
"… having now been justified by His blood, we (and our loved ones) shall be saved from wrath through Him.
"For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life" (Rom 5:7-10).

Because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice for the sins of mankind, all will have a chance for salvation in a resurrection (1 Pet 1:13-21; Rom 5:6-11; John 5:21,25,28-29; Rev 20 - also see "Passover… The Beginning of Salvation").

Jesus Christ's Example of Love

When Jesus (from the OT "Jehoshua," meaning the Eternal who saves) came to this earth as the Son of Man, He saw the grief and emotional pain of others and had great empathy and expressed grief and wept for them (John 11:30-36; Heb 2:9-18; 4:15). If you have lost a loved one, know that God also grieves with you. I learned from my experience that God felt my pain and grief, and He gave me much comfort through His word and Spirit, and the hope of the resurrection (1 Thes 4:13-18).

Jesus "was despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows, and knew grief…
"Surely He has borne our grief's and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.
"But He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised ("daka," beat to pieces, break, bruise, crush, destroy, humble, smite…) for our iniquities; the chastisement ("musar," punishment, correction, discipline, instruction, chastisement) for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed" (Isa 53:3-5).

As an example of His love for us (Mat 5:17-19; John 13:34; Rom 13:8-10; 1 Pet 2:21), Jesus greatly humbled Himself by giving up His power and glory with God the Father to be born as a human, and became obedient onto death, even the most humiliating death of the cross (John 17:4-5; Phil 2:5-8; Heb 2:9-11,14-18; 12:2-3), that we and our loved ones could be reconciled to God and raised up again to life in a resurrection (Acts 24:15; Rom 6:5,23). And when He was suffering on the cross, He prayed to God for those who had forsaken Him and those who were crucifying Him,

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Lk 23:34).

How great is God's love and the grief He has for us to offer His Only Begotten Son to suffer and die for us to pay for our sins (Col 1:19-23; Heb 2:9-10)!  And how great is Jesus' love to give Himself as a sacrifice for us and for my son (Heb 2:14-18)!